Back in the saddle . . .

So . . . things have changed a bit since I first started this blog.  My work schedule is nearly the polar opposite (& apparently I'm trying to work myself to death).  Tuesdays are no longer weigh-in days.  Tuesdays are wake up early because you have to go count all the money in the store at 8 in the morning days.  Thursdays are my steady off day now, so by default they now become weigh-in day.  They are now my only weekday off to get things done, so we'll see how tricky that becomes shortly . . .

But today is Thursday.  And since I'm back in the blogging game now, I guess that means I should update.

I'm going to be honest, I haven't been super productive since last week.  I also haven't had a day off & worked both jobs on 2 of those days.  I'm busy, give me a break.  I did fit in a few Zumba workouts in my apartment & tried to sync up my schedule to get to the gym with my workout buddy Terra.  That didn't turn out so well, though.  However, we're going to make a legit schedule because we want to get in a routine again.  It's coming.

I did eat really well the past week, though.  I owe most of that to my handy dandy Happy Herbivore cookbook.  Her black bean burgers have been my go to lunch for work for the past few weeks now & I am in LOVE with the Tofu Scramble.

It's to DIE FOR.  Especially with a little BBQ sauce on top.  Mmmmmmmm.

Anyway . . . When I started this here blog last year I was tipping the scales at 286 lbs.  Ridiculous, right?  I saw some old pictures of me last night that Terra found on her camera & its crazy how different I look (also, who let me wear such hideous clothes?  Really?).  I was squeezing into XL mens t-shirts & size 26/28 pants.  Last night I bought a size Large dress at Target.  In the Juniors section.

I almost screamed.

Alright, let's get onto it.
Previous weight : 220    (as of last official weigh-in)
Current weight  : 207.5
Total lost 78.5 lbs.

8 more lbs & I'm under 200 for the first time in my ADULT LIFE.  That's one milestone I'm pretty stoked about.  Just saying.  Just 21.5 away from hitting 100 lost.  Dang.  Its game time.

Oh & in 67 days I'm doing a half-marathon (more on that later).  I'm insane.

xoxo

Hiatus, schmiatus. . .

Hey.  It's me.  I'm alive, even if the updates to this blog would lead you to believe otherwise.

I've brought up this box several times, without the words to put in it.  I've done this probably 15 times in the last month alone.

I've been alive since October.  I've maintained since October.  I've been lazy since October.

. . . except if you count going full-time at my normal job, starting a second job, moving yet again & tumbling into the dating world.  3 out of the 4 of those are going quite well.

After Warrior Dash, I lost my motivation.  I'd lost 75 pounds in 10 months & felt fantastic.  After moving to my new place I was 1,000 times happier than I was a year before.  No goals in sight, no set deadline, no movement.

I went home to see my family for Christmas & had them all Ooohhing & Ahhhhing over me.  I was flustered, but felt like a total fraud.  Why are you praising me for being a lazy bum for 2 months!?

Good news is, I didn't start eating everything in sight.  I managed to dodge probably half of the 3 lbs of butter my mother tried to feed me at Christmas.  I had some pitfalls of course & probably drank a few too many beers along the way, but I didn't fall back into my old habits.  Of that I AM proud.

However, aside from one Zumba video at home in December I didn't do a SINGLE workout after Warrior Dash the rest of 2011.  Pathetic.  In my defense, I did have some serious issues with my knee flaring up & a weird pinched nerve issue in my leg.  I need to see a doctor.  Sigh. (But thankfully I'm insured right now!)

Enough about the past.

I've started a new chapter in the past few weeks.  I went on my first run since October on a gorgeous day in January (& 3 more since then).  I visited the gym for the first time since September.  I started tracking again.

That's progress, right?

I realized I need to have something to work towards to keep me going.  I need an event to anticipate.  Reaching an undetermined goal weight isn't enough for me to get off my butt, it seems.  So how about I do a half-marathon?  That's a sane decision, right?  GO! St Louis half-marathon, here I come!  April 15th is reallyyyyyy close & I need to shave a minute off my pace so they don't kick me off the course.

So here I sit on a Thursday night planning most of my meals for the next week+ straight of work, bagging up serving sizes of snacks & baking black bean burgers.  Ahhhh . . . the single life.

Today I ran 3.5 miles & then walked around the zoo for 2.5 hours with my best friend & her 2 little boys.  With my calculations I have a 1200+ calorie deficit for the day.  I'm cool with that.  However tomorrow I'll be on my feet working 15 hours with an endless soda fountain & maraschino cherries at my disposal.  Pray for me.

This is where I leave you for tonight, because it's time for bed.  I feel like everything is falling into place again, that the stars are aligning for me to get it right this time.  Let's hope I'm not just delusional . . .

I've never really posted any old pictures of myself, as I am ashamed of how out of control my eating got.  But my Facebook friends all got a chance to see this a few weeks back, so I figured it's only right that I blog it as well.

New Years 2011 vs 2012. This is what I did last year. :)

Not too shabby, right?  Until next time . . .

xoxo

A moment of panic.

In 4 hours, my wave of Warrior Dash starts.  I feel grossly unprepared & may or may not have a broken toe.  All of our spectators bailed on us.  Oh & did I mention most of my life is in boxes, waiting to be moved?

Life has been hectic lately, with working 2 jobs & trying to still maintain a semblance of a normal life.  This blog has fallen by the wayside & so have my workouts.  I haven't felt on top of my game since I moved in August.  I haven't been happy like I was 3 months ago.  I've made some stupid decisions lately that I can't undo & I feel like that breaking point is slowly approaching.  I'm tired of feeling like a burden to people.

I'm hoping today is another Day 1.  I don't care if I have to drive 50 miles alone to the boonies to go do my best to climb walls & jump over fire.  Then, no matter what, I get to go see Saves The Day-my favorite band in the entire world tonight.  Next Friday I will be able to pay up on my gym membership so I can go back to my normal workouts, I'll have room to cook & feel comfortable doing so.  Here's to turning over a new leaf.  Hopefully.

I'm not going to do a weigh-in today or anything, but I've maintained where I was.  I'm hanging out around 70lbs lost right now & hoping to make a big dent towards 100 lost by the end of the year. 

Wish me luck.

And hope I don't die at Warrior Dash today.

xoxo

kaleidoscope heart

I've been trying to write this post for 2 months.  I've opened up Blogger, written a bit, but never got across what I wanted to say.  Tried again the next week, the next month.  Nothing.  I haven't had the time, energy, effort or strength to try any harder. 

I've been burnt out.

The last week or so I've felt different.  Not that everything in my life is magically fixed now (will it ever?), but I feel in control for the moment.  In charge of the chaos, let's say.

In the last 2 months :
My phone was stolen.
Somehow hurt my shoulder to the point I couldn't lift anything.
My living situation became intolerable.
I hastily moved to a new place.
Aggravated a recurring knee injury while moving.
I turned 27.
Finished 6 months without fast food.
Blew that on a visit to Little Caesars after a bad day.
Felt like a stranger in my own home.
Went for not one, but 2 promotions at work I didn't get.
Got stood up.

And that's not everything, but all I'll disclose for now.  Needless to say, the past 2 months sucked.  I did let my emotions & old habits get the best of me a bit, but overall I think I stayed in control (minus that week or so of avoiding the gym like the plague).

Today isn't official weigh-in day or anything but I want to attach some numbers to where I've been the last 2 months.  Last time I updated here I was at 234.5 after a 3 lb gain that week.  Today I was at 220 even.  That brings me to 66 lbs total that I've lost in the last 8 months & I can't be upset about that, right?

I've had a great last week or so in general.  I've felt like nothing can bring me down. 

Since I like lists here is what is putting a smile on face :
I have an awesome new opportunity at work I can hopefully get.
Registered for Warrior Dash on October 15th!
I got a call for an interview at SweetArt (my favorite local restaurant)
Had a delightful dinner with a super nice guy who loves Saves The Day as much as I do. 

Its the little things.

I'll leave you with these lyrics from Sara Bareilles.  She rules.

All the colors of the rainbow, hidden 'neath my skin
Hearts have colors, don't we all know.
Red runs through our veins.
Feel the fire burning up, inspire me with blood of blue & green
I have hope
Inside is not a heart, but a kaleidoscope

xoxo

Content.

Today's entry comes to you from the seats of The Muny, theco nations oldest & largest outdoor theater.  I got here early to nab some free seats & have 20 minutes until curtain, so why not write a blog?

Today was weigh-in day.  I didn't expect anything major after last week's 4.5 lb drop, but I was super active this week & stayed well within my calorie goals for the week (Yes, even with that whole bag of Gardettos I devoured in 4 days.  Lesson learned). 

This last week was the start of the Shrinking Jeans Burst Into Summer Challenge.  Part of the challenge is a 6 week bootcamp.  As I mentioned last week, I started a few days late due to work taking over my life, but I caught up!  I did the Week 1 workout on Wednesday, Friday & Sunday & did Week 2, Day 1 yesterday (ouch).  I would be lying if I said it was easy.  As someone still nearly 100 lbs from my "ideal body weight" some of the exercises were a lot to take on.  But I did it!  The first day was not a breeze, but when I finally finished & collapsed in my living room floor in a pool of sweat I was SO PROUD of myself & totally exhilarated!  Sprints for sure kicked my butt, but I can already tell that they're going to help me become a better runner.  The squats have made my legs ache for days, but I can feel the strength I've gained already.  The side plank dips . . . well they just plain sucked.  Let's not lie.

After working my butt off all week I was hoping for a great number this week.  So imagine my disappointment when I saw this . . .

Previous weight : 231.5 lbs
Current weight  : 234.5 lbs

Gain of 3 lbs.

What the heck.  Yes, the Gardettos were a fail & so was a drunken diner meal on Sunday night, but I still ate well the rest of the week.  I compensated well & tracked my food, so that can't really be the issue.  I do feel like I'm retaining water somewhat & maybe I gained a little muscle?  Who knows. 

But honestly, I'm not that bent out of shape about it.  I KNOW I worked hard this week, despite literally working EVERY DAY for the last week & being home just to sleep.  I had many a chance to blow it & to break my no fast food streak (almost 5 months now!), but I didn't.  I could've easily blown off my bootcamp workout, but I didn't.  I'm up 3 lbs, but I don't care. :)

xoxo
Karissa

Follow through.

The past month or so, I haven't been very on top of my game.  Gym visits have been fewer & far between & I haven't been tracking accurately at all (I have definitely been calorie conscious).  That resulted in not much progress. 

After my race (recap soon, I swear!) I feel rejuvenated, but I'm still lacking in my follow through.  thus my dry erase board weekly calendar is born!  I'm a procrastinator at heart.  I can always finish the dishes later or put my laundry away tomorrow.  Its really easy for me to let workouts go to the wayside if I run out of time.  My solution is to schedule my time better.  Working random different hours throws me off most of the time, so if I plot out what I need to do in advance I'll be more likely to do it.  I need to stop fitting exercise into my schedule only when my friends go to the gym.

This last week I am back on my game.  I've made a couple late night gym visits, swam & had a few impromptu home workouts as well (which is hard to make myself do without a dvd player!)  My enthusiasm is a little surprising, honestly, but I'm pretty excited about the progress I made this week.

Previous weight : 236.0 lbs
Current weight. : 231.5 lbs
Loss of 4.5 lbs!!

I literally stepped on the scale this morning & said "You've got to be shitting me."  I was definitely a bit shocked, but very happy with that number.  I guess that's what happens when you step up your workouts, track your food & eat well, eh?  Another exciting milestone is that at this weight my BMI is officially under 40!  I started with a BMI of 49.1 & now it is 39.7.  Wow.

This week also marks the start of the Shrinking Jeans Burst Into Summer challenge, which I spur of the moment signed up for last week!  Its an 11-week long team challenge with a 6 week bootcamp.  I missed the first workout yesterday due to getting called into work, but I'm going to catch up tonight or get up early & do it tomorrow.  I needed something different to mix up my workouts & I think this will definitely spice things up a bit.

I'm continually shocked by the progress I've made in the last (near) 6 months.  Everytime I get a compliment from someone I'm still flabbergasted & don't know quite how to react.  I can't remember the last time I had this much drive to finish something without being so scared that I was going to fail.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still scared.  Slightly terrified, even.  The difference is I KNOW I can do this.  Its all in my hands.  Everyday I feel more comfortable in my skin & its the best feeling.

xoxo
Karissa

Tuck & roll.

Ever feel like some things you have to say aren't important enough to blog?  I feel that way most of the time, but nonetheless, here I am.  Today I am going to share a NSV (for those not aware, that means a Non-Scale Victory).  Its minor, but significant to me.  Something that most people wouldn't think twice about.

Yesterday I tucked in my shirt.

Yes, this is something I'm required to do as part of the dress code at the job I've worked at for over 3 years.  No, until yesterday I hadn't ever done it once.  Sure, I faked it.  I would just roll the edges underneath & periodically check to make sure it hadn't fallen down.  It was obvious, I'm sure. 

Being overweight nearly my entire life I can't clearly remember ever actually tucking in a shirt.  When you carry so much weight around your midsection, there is nothing in the WORLD that makes you want to make it more obvious.  Tucking in a shirt makes you feel as if you look like Violet from Willy Wonka after she turns into a blueberry.  Huge & round.

After wearing my new skirt on Saturday I just got (a size 20 that's a little roomy, I might add), I noticed my fake tuck wasn't working so well with the polyester-type fabric-it kept falling down every few minutes.  So when I got dressed for my impromptu shift on Sunday I thought to myself "Hey, you look pretty good in this skirt."  I didn't look bulbous around my midsection (though believe me, it hasn't gone away).  I looked sort of normal.  So I decided to try an experiment.  "Well I'll tuck it in, just to see how it looks." I said to myself.  After a few adjustments it was in place & I was actually okay with how it looked. 

Wait a minute.  How did that happen?

In all my 26 + years I've never been okay with this & all of a sudden I'm a normal shirt-tucking member of society.  Its going to take a while for me to get used to this.

xoxo
Karissa

PS : Race recap is still coming, I promise.