Goals.

When I started this blog, the purpose was to be active, eat better & ultimately lose weight.  Besides that purpose, I didn't really set any concrete goals.  I've been thinking about that & there are some goals I'm setting out after.

-Take my daily vitamin.
I've had a bottle of 130 vitamins in my bathroom cabinet for over a year now.  Let's just say its not empty.

-Work on my bingo wing.
Now you might be asking what a bingo wing is.  Its a term my friend Terra coined for that lovely portion of your underarm.  Imagine an old lady playing bingo raise up her arm & shake it all around yelling "BINGO!"  You get the drift.  I can't remember a single time in my life I've been comfortable in something sleeveless & I want that to change.  I've been doing some upper body strength training already, so I'm thinking of chronicling it as Bingo Wing Wednesdays.  Lame?

-Run a 5k
Yes, I put the word run there.  Walking a 5k would be a piece of cake, I've walked longer in the park by my house.  I'm starting a 5k in 100 days program soon thanks to Brad Gansberg (he's teaching a 100 people for free, isn't that awesome?) & can't wait to make this a reality.  I'm looking at the Susan G Komen race in June for this (depending on when training gets started).  I'm also going to look into walking some other races too!

Those are just 3 of the things I'm striving for right now in addition to eating better, getting fit & getting rid of this weight.  As far as my goal weight goes, besides considering what's normal for my height, I'm not sure where I want to end up.  When I look & feel like I'm where I need to be, then I'll be happy (but my grandpa's offer to give me a $1 for each pound I lose has me extra motivated to lose it all!). 

I do, however, want to celebrate the milestones I'll reach along the way.  As of last week I sit at 27.5 pounds lost, so 30 is SO CLOSE.  Who knows?  I could easily hit it tomorrow when I do my weigh-in.  These are some of the rewards I'm going to bestow upon myself when I get there.

30 pounds
-Get a pedicure!  I have never treated myself to one & with all I'm putting my feet through, they deserve some pampering.

50 pounds
-Buy the pasta press I've been eyeing on Amazon for the last 3 months.  I was going to get a cheap one with Christmas funds, but saving for the awesome one!

75 pounds
-Have a spa day with the works (possibly with my Mom if I can get her to visit!).  A whole day devoted to relaxing.  Ahhhhhh . . .

100 pounds
-Get my first tattoo.  This is something I've been wanting to get for a loooooong time.  Its a piece of artwork my mother did that is inspired by my grandmother (RIP).  Its a piece I've always loved & it always reminded me of my grandma long before I knew it was about her.  It means a lot to me & I can't wait for it!

For numbers bigger than that, I haven't decided on.  When I reach goal, though I want to do something big.  Anyone wanna donate to send me on a cruise? :)

xoxo

+/-

The last week has been tumultuous at best. 

I took a couple rest days because my crappy shoes were making my feet throb after walking a couple miles.  I kept my eating in check calorie-wise, despite not tracking everything as well as I should have.  I do think I ate too much of some things (bread & cheese) while forgetting to get enough veggies & fruit in the way I have been.  That on top of a ton of unneeded stress with my living situation & being a whiny girl has left me unmotivated & pissed off.

Previous weight : 258.5
Current weight. : 258.5
No loss/gain this week.

I still worked out solidly 3 days & didn't overeat but I find the number on the scale this week unchanged.  I didn't do terribly this week, but I didn't do great either.  I probably had too much sodium (not tracking everything hurt me there).  On days I work, I drink tons of water, off days this week I didn't.

I didn't lose anything this week, but I didn't gain either.  I had opportunities to drink myself silly, thoughts of raiding the fridge to deal with my frustration, but I didn't.  For that I am proud!

One good thing from this past week is that I got new shoes!  I went to Big River Running Company (http://www.bigriverrunning.com/) here in St Louis to see about getting fitted for some shoes.  One of the employees there, Luke, helped me out.  He watched me walk & his assessment was that I am an overpronator (especially my right foot) & have low arches.  He recommended shoes with moderate stability & brought out a couple different choices.  After 20 minutes or so and some trial & error I decided on a pair of New Balance 860's!  Surprisingly they were only a size 9 & the normal width (I usually buy a 9 1/2 or 10 in wide width if they have it).  They were more than I have ever spent on a pair of shoes in my life, but I know they're necessary for me to keep going.

That's where I'll leave off for tonight.  I have tomorrow off with a possible Zumba class in the AM & a walk in Tower Grove Park planned with a friend from work in the afternoon.  Here's to good choices this week & having a better attitude.  I may not be able to control the behavior of those around me, but I need to stop letting it get the best of me.

xoxo

You say that I'm a mess, tell me I'm a wreck. . .

This post comes to you from inside the walls of Atomic Cowboy in StL. 

Here I sit, alone, in a booth in a room full of people.  I've been here for over an hour, but can't seem to enjoy myself in the slightest.  A few drinks down & I still can't fight the nonsense going on in my head. 

After work I came home, relaxed a bit, then started to get ready to go out.  As I got ready I went through the clothes in my room over & over.  Nothing looked good on me.  Everything has awkward gapes & its not flattering.  At all.  I finally found a t-shirt I felt mildy comfortable wearing & pretty much gave up.  My wardbrobe is disappointing to say the least.

But I was excited to go out; excited to see my friends; excited to relax for a couple hours.  But apparently I'm incapable of that tonight.  Ever since I got here tonight, I can't overcome my awkward nature.  I can't get out of my head.  I feel INCREDIBLY insecure (the worst I've felt in a long time) & honestly, I'm doing my best not to burst into tears right now in public.

I don't know what it is tonight.  Is it because my clothes don't fit me right?  Is it because my friends are all of doing their own thing?  Is it because the guy I like hasn't given me the time of day?  Really I think its my mind playing tricks on me.  I've been too on top of my game lately.  A little too on top of it.  Is this my minds way of attacking me?

I'm not quite sure, but I don't like it in the slightest. 

The only night out I've had in a week & its ruined.  Time to go home.

I'm on the right track, baby . . .

Sorry.  I can't get that GaGa song out of my head.

But I DO feel like I'm on the right track today.  I woke up refreshed from a full night of sleep after I made the elliptical cry last night at the gym.  I've been active every day since Thursday & I don't even know when my next rest day will be.  I tried to talk myself into one the other day, but then asked myself, "Why??"  I don't feel worn out, I feel energetic so what's the harm!

This last week has been a blast.  Tuesday night was Ke$ha (my total pop guilty pleasure) with my buddy Kristen who came from Joplin to see her with me.  The show was downright ridiculous, we danced & it was soooo good to see Kristen (we haven't really spent time together since her wedding in June).  We ate out since she was in town & I was pretty apprehensive, to say the least.  I did indulge a bit, but I tracked everything & still managed to stay within my calories for the day.  I ate macaroni & cheese (my favoritest thing in the world) and mozzarella sticks and managed to not overdo it?  Say whaaaaaat?  SO proud of myself.

Wednesday was also fabulous.  I took it easy during the day, gearing up to go see one of my absolute favorite bands, Eisley.  (Side note : GO CHECK OUT THEIR NEW ALBUM!  Its only $5 on amazon.com & they have the voices of angels.  Gorgeous scorned girl music at its best.)  Had to go it alone, but ended up loving it regardless & took home their new album on beautiful transparent red vinyl.  After that it was out to meet up with friends for our weekly outing to Dollar Bin (aka $1 PBR night, the only night I indulge myself & have a beer or 2).  I got so many compliments from friends I don't see as much & it warmed my heart to know they've taken notice.

The rest of the week honestly flew by with work & working out.  Hit up the gym a few times, took an awesome 3.4 mile walk through the park I live next to (I only meant to do 2!), then rode my bike for the first time this year through the park & around my awesome neighborhood.

I honestly don't know how its Tuesday already, but that means its weigh-in time!

Previous weight : 262.5
Current weight.  : 258.5
Loss of 4 lbs!

Total of 27.5 lbs lost. :)

Freaking A!  I stepped on & off the scale like 6 times to make sure this was right.  4 lbs the week I started off not working out for 2 days, ate mac & cheese & mozzarella sticks?  I guess that says something for moderation & being active every day!  I've tracked really well this week & make good use of my allotted calories, so I earned it.  I just sort of can't believe it!

I've been in a terrible mood the last few days (its my inner Oi Oi punk coming out) & wanted to yell at everyone/smash things.  Took it out on the elliptical last night, so I feel better (still need to have a talk with someone avoiding me).  Then the scale had to go & be all sweet.  Today is a good day!  Time to repeat my walk in the park now, cause its BEAUTIFUL outside & 53°!  Viva la Spring!

xoxo