An Introduction. . .

I'm going to be honest, I don't exactly know where to start with this.

My name is Karissa, I'm 26 & currently reside in the wonderful city of St Louis, MO.  I love cooking & desperately want to go to culinary school, but money is keeping that from happening right now.  I've always been a shy, reserved person & this blog is my attempt to break myself of that.  Well here goes nothing. . .

I'm starting this blog because, quite frankly, I'm unhappy with myself.  I have been as long as I can remember.  I've always been the fat girl-from elementary school to junior high, junior high to high school, and now in this weird twenty-something era I find myself in.  I've never been one to stand up for myself.  My oldest school time memories consist of mockery & teasing.  I've always been the easy one to pick on.  

After awhile I became so complacent, I just didn't care anymore.  No matter how nice I was, I got the same old taunts, the same insults, over & over again.  Whether it was from James Neumeyer (if you ever meet him, feel free to give him a swift kick to the balls for me), my father or someone else along the way, I just began to ignore it.  Each time hurt just as worse as the former, but that was my way of coping.  Here I am, years later with the same state of mind & the same tactics to dealing with my insecurity. 

A little over 7 years ago I became a vegetarian.  The music scene I was involved in heavily advocated the lifestyle & after several of my friends made the switch, I did too.  Its a choice that I'm proud of & a cause continue to support.  Back when I made the switch, I just assumed that taking that route would help me lose weight.  But I was a bad vegetarian.  Boca burgers + macaroni & cheese do not = healthy.

Over the years I have adapted my eating habits & I do believe I make MUCH better food choices that I used to, I even briefly went vegan for about 6 months 3 years ago.  But let's face it, I love cheese too much.  It doesn't matter how much celery I eat if I binge on a pizza or eat a whole pot of macaroni & cheese when my roommate isn't home.  Emotional eating is my downfall.  If I have a bad day at work, I swing by Little Caesar's on the way home.  If I'm out with friends & go home feeling rejected, then I raid the fridge when I get home & blame it on being drunk.  I know all too well what I'm doing.

This is my attempt to stop the cycle.  My friend Emily started a blog last year & I've been keeping up with her journey, even though we live 6 hours apart.  We've been friends for 8 years now & I think have been in a similar situation, but somehow managed to never talk about it.  She has been such an encouragement & inspiration to me in recent months without knowing it.  She's on her way to changing her life & I only hope I can do half as well as she has.

So onto the purpose of this blog.

I'm known to procrastinate & in recent years to not follow through with what I set out to do.  Hey if no one knows what I've set out to do, then I can't disappoint anyone, now can I?  My intention with this blog is to share what I'm doing, share my goals with my friends & whoever else along the way, so I can't hide it all anymore.
 

I want to lose weight.

I want to be proud of myself.

I want to share my story.

Alright, I suppose I have been long-winded enough with this first entry, but I hope that anyone that reads this will give me any encouragement they can & help keep me accountable.  Its going to be tough, but I think I'm ready.

xoxo